I can't even describe how I feel at the moment, and I am so unaware about my opinion on the matter. This morning we received a call from children's hospital about transplantation for Janessa. At that moment I was terrified I didn't know how to feel, was I ready yet to make such a decision for my Janessa, what the outcome could be of transplant(it's been bothering me for awhile actually), and was Janessa well enough this morning.
Without much time to think, I knew I had to tell them that Janessa has an upper respiratory infection at the moment which I did, and was told it would be very high risk to put her through that, especially since her immune system is pretty down at the moment from trying to kill this virus. I cried after that, it made me realize how much of a chance she could have being a normal kid, and the only time she has ever been sick since she was born was at a time when they called for her transplant, but then again I felt relieved. I felt relieved because I just don't know how well Janessa will do with transplant, it's a whole different lifestyle, and Janessa just does so well on her TPN, and current lifestyle. I am afraid, and I feel selfish that she has this opportunity, but I don't want her to have it. I think it's been about the recent death's of a lot of people who were transplanted, but a lot of the kids I are doing well with their transplants. I just don't know how to feel about it all.
In reality right now I feel like I have too much on my plate with these decisions, and hope I can settle on an opinion. I do though want to thank our could have been donor family for giving Janessa the opportunity at a normal life, and pray you'll remain at peace today with the loss of your child. Thank you.
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