I can't even tell you the last time I wrote a blog about Janessa. It was before she was walking, before she was really talking, before she was actually a child! She is doing so well though. Tonight though I want to write a blog just to express my feelings on what it is like being a mom of a child who has medical needs.
A lot of times I get frustrated, stressed, and angry at life. Normally I do alright at accepting that Janessa isn't physically normal, but at other times I question it for hours. The biggest thing that I have trouble with is trying to look through the eyes of other parents and why they do the things they do. When a parent will sit there and complain their child is sick, or has a tummy ache, anything along those lines it just makes me upset. It makes me upset because why are they complaining about something mild? I mean yeah their child may have a tummy ache from eating some bad food so why cry about it, it could be worse right? Your child could have a tummy ache because their stomach bile is eating away at their stomach all the time... I mean it even gets to the point when people are complaining about more serious things such as surgeries, or cancer... I know that makes me sound absolutely like a horrible person, but hear me out here, at least cancer is curable right? My child's condition will NEVER be cured. There is no guarantee in life, no medicine, no therapy. It's horrible I feel this way, and I realized I am so consumed with my child's life that I don't think about anyone else. No one else understands because no one else has a child like this, so why would they, and who am I to judge them? Maybe I need to look toward the brighter side of things, she isn't dying, or she doesn't have a profound intellectual disability. Maybe I should just look at the good things...... She is so intelligent, and is doing so well despite this all! I shouldn't worry about other people. I should try and empathize with them on their level. I should try and put myself in their shoes because if Janessa was born without any complication I would probably be doing the same thing. There is a lot to learn in life when you are giving these circumstances. It's almost like starting over, you have to learn about the world, and understand everyone in it.
I'm going to try to keep this updated more often with our summer vacation pictures! :) positive vibes.
